Motherhood

I am already a mama...a mommy...a mom...a mother! Even though I can't physically hold Klayton in my arms, my heart holds onto him-he belongs to me. Even now I want to do whatever I can for him...fix things I can't fix! I really believe the Lord must be trying to teach me even now that while there are things I will want to control, fix in my child's life I won't always be able...or maybe shouldn't always run to his rescue for...I need to let go and let God. Even now, I need to let go and let God!
I have wanted a baby in my tummy for so long! When God allowed this to happen, I just naturally assumed or thought it should be easy from there on out-you know have the perfect pregnancy! And to be quite honest, I had it pretty easy...no causes for concern. I had no morning sickness, just an occasional wave of nausea. No excessive weight gaining and the list could go on. Then came my 2nd trimester! I had an overgrowth of bacteria that needed to be treated or could result in preterm labor. We discovered it's a boy! During the gender ultrasound it was discovered that I only have a 2 vessel cord and that there could be cause for possible bed rest or a caesarean. The 2 vessel cord is known for babies with downs; but Klayton has a strong working heart and kidneys, as well as no missing bones-so that possibility is 1% or less! I still have to be monitored for the possible caesarean or bed rest. Then, this past Sunday...my baby boy was active as can be in morning church! By the time it was time to go back for evening services I had developed a left side ache that persisted until Monday and I no longer felt movement from my tummy. Wednesday came and I called my doctor as it was now day 3 with no movement. My doctor had me go for an ultrasound and thankfully Klayton's heart was beating strong and he was as active as can be! However, during this ultrasound they discovered his tummy to be measuring small. Now I am completely aware that with 2 vessel cords that his growth would have to be monitered near the end of my pregnancy; but I was not ready for it to have already begun. I have to go back in 2 weeks to monitor the growth of his tummy...the doctors need to see growth so we are praying for just that! I am asking everyone to please pray for this specifically during these two weeks. I have hesitated sharing this in the past because I can be quite paranoid and I really don't need to hear all the horror stories out there. What I need is prayer for Klayton and for the duration of my pregnancy.
My heart cries a little at the issues I have had. And really I haven't had any major issues in comparison to others and when Klayton comes I may look back and think what silly fears I had as a first time pregnant mommy! But, nonetheless, this is where I'm at right now. I just wish things could be easier and there would be no cause for alarm. I wish I could jump ahead to October to avoid all of this; but once again I know I can't and that if I did I wouldn't be becoming the person I need to become for Klayton. I can't see the big picture or the end result; but God can and if this is whats it's going to take for me to be more like Him, then I need to let go and let God! I'm just a mommy in training and I have lots to learn; but I want to learn...first lesson, let go and let God!