Joseph and Klayton bought me a Mothers ring and I love it! This ring was made to be stackable, so next baby God gives us I can get another ring and just add it to my finger! The reason we did this is that when I die I can leave the ring to my children. Now obviously Klayton isn't going to wear it; but I pray that I will one day have a good relationship with his wife and I can leave it to her to wear. After church my boys took me to lunch at The Outback and it was yummy. Then we went down to Iowa and surprised my mom by spending the rest of the day with her. It was a wonderful day!
Now, let me get to the sappy part of this post. For some ladies Mothers Day can bring a little "controversy" to the heart. Its a day that reminds them of their inability to concieve a child, a day that reminds them of the death of a child that is not here to celebrate with them it is a day that reminds them of the gift that they long for and they have no answer as to why God is asking them to wait. For ladies that have never been a part of any of those three instances, you will never understand how this day effects them and to be honest I am thankful that there are some who have been spared from these feelings. Its a day that should be celebrated and in spite of "controversy of the heart" ladies who are in those instances agree with the celebration of Mothers Day. I speak from both sides of the fence.
I still remember like it was yesterday, the day we decided we wanted to start our family. I remember thinking in just a couple of months I would have a baby in my tummy. I remember talking about the baby names we liked or didn't like...there were so many dreams forming in our hearts for the baby that would soon be in my tummy. Weeks started to pass, then weeks into months passed and still no baby in my tummy. I remember sitting in church on Mothers Day of 2009 and the choir singing about a Mothers heart, my heart strings were being pulled and the tears were puddled in my eyes as I thought about how thankful I was for my mom; but as I also wondered if I would ever be celebrated as a mom. We soon hit the year mark of waiting and we were at my parents preaching conference that is held at their church every year. A group from the college I attended was there singing, one of the songs they sang was A Greater Yes and that became my song. (The song is on my previous post, I found that version on youtube sung by another college group, feel free to click on the post and let it play while you finish reading this current post) The song spoke of praying with believing and I really believed that the nights I cried upon my husbands chest, nights that I cried out to God that I believed that He could give me a child in my tummy and I did believe that there must be a greater yes in my life. And I was sure it was just right around the corner...but once again months passed and my greater yes was nowhere in sight. February of 2010 had now made its appearance and I learned once again of another friend that was pregnant. I remember that night like it was yesterday: we were at my grandparents when I heard the good news and as my heart instantly sank, I was mad at myself because I really did want to be excited for her and yet all I could do was cry. I remember crying out to the Lord, I had reached the bottom of my barrel, I was done trying and I needed the Lord to rescue me from that pit. As I gave the desire completely to the Lord, I remember a sense of helplessness overwhelming me as I realized that it was no longer my battle to fight if that meant there was just months more of trying, or years that would turn into God taking my desire to carry a baby in my tummy away. What I didn't know at the was as I was giving my desire for a baby to the Lord, He was molding my Klayton Matthew in my tummy. Just a couple weeks later we learned I was pregnant.
As Mothers Day approached this year I was so excited and thankful that I could be honored as a mommy. But, truthfully I don't need a day to feel honored to be Klaytons mommy, I feel honored every day and I thank the Lord every day that I GET to be a mommy because I've learned that we don't all get to be mommies, we don't all have the same task. I choose to be thankful for dirty diapers because there is someone wishing that she had a dirty diaper to change.
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