Humbling. Humbled.

A little boy is the only thing God can use to make a "Man".

That quote right there hits close to home for me.

When Klayton was two weeks old we took him to a wedding. Sitting there in the pew watching two people pledge their lives to one another, I was slapped in the face with the realization that I am raising someone's husband!

Humbling. Humbled.

I am sitting here next to a screaming baby and watching my three year old rough house with his daddy. I don't really want to envision their wedding day because that means I will be "losing" them to another woman and frankly right now I like being the only "woman" in their lives! I wonder what "she" will be like...what is she doing now? And, I think-she better like me!

I often think that no one will ever be good enough for my boys. However, if God has someone chosen for them then there is someone good enough if they follow God's will. It is my responsibility to raise that man God chose for her and for some reason God already believes I can accomplish that task-if He didn't I wouldn't have been given these two little boys.

Humbling. Humbled.

That little boy that randomly wants to pray with Mama needs to not be turned away. Every time I kneel with him its teaching him to become a man of prayer that his wife will turn to when she needs someone to pray for her, it will be teaching him to already be praying for her and to have that open relationship with God.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

I'm a Mama that makes lots of mistakes raising boys in a world where no one wants to own up to their mistakes. A world where people no longer apologize and ask for forgiveness. I can't change the world; but I don't have to add to the pride of the world. When I do wrong by my boys-I apologize and ask for their forgiveness-no excuses. I pray that by my example they will become men that can admit their wrongs and in turn become men of integrity and truth.

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:15

Humbling. Humbled.

My Klayton pretends to work and we always laugh because he wants to work so badly because it appears fun right now and we know that someday he will probably laugh when we tell him that-because lets be honest-work isn't always fun and if we could we would prefer for money to just grow on trees! And, while Klayton doesn't work right now, I am doing my best to encourage a good work ethic because I don't know what God will have for means to provide for his family...being a pastor, working a secular job? I don't know; but when he starts unloading the shopping cart of the random lady at Wal-Mart I will tell him good job! And when he doesn't want to pick up his toys because he doesn't feel like it, I will tell him that we don't always get to do what we feel like and make him keep picking up.

[Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Philippians 2:3-5

I love my boys with a love that I never knew existed until I felt those first kicks in my tummy, heard those first cries as I delivered them and held them for the first time. It is a love that somehow keeps getting stronger and it is a love that I don't even know how to explain. Sometimes I tell Justus on his really bad colicky days that its a good thing that I'm his Mama because only a Mama could get through the colic because of her love. If he wasn't my child I wouldn't put up with the colic, I'm pretty sure I would roll my eyes, be thankful that I am not the one having to deal with it and let someone else deal with it. Lets all be honest-colic is rough! When I have a rough day dealing with the colic I often find myself telling my husband, "I love that boy more than life itself..." My little guys need to know that they are loved on the good days, the bad days-there are going to be days in life that it is not "easy" to love. I want them to know that with the right love on those bad days they will some how still have peace with the one they love and they can be long-suffering. I want them to be motivated by love and love how God wants them to love. I want them to know it is okay to say, "I love you" and they should say it. It is manly to say those three little words! I want them to choose to love when it is not convenient for them.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:7

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Galatians 5:22

Humbling. Humbled.

So, this often brings me to thought of my future dear daughter in law...I know that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of lessons that need to be taught and learned between now and the day, "I do!" is said. I haven't even mentioned all the mistakes I will make in raising him or the, "I should have..." moments because frankly I cringe at that. But, by God's grace I am going to do my best in raising the man of my daughter in laws dreams.

Humbling. Humbled.

When her man, my little boy-says "I do" I will step aside and do my best to let her be his number one woman. I will step aside as I remember the days of skinned knees and how only the kiss of Mama could heal those wounds. I will remember the days where it was only Mama that knew how to comfort him and I will miss those days as he will turn to his wife for comfort.

I'm sure there will be days that he will still naturally want to talk to me-his Mama-about things; but I will do my best to point him back to his wife and not meddle into their relationship. Because lets be honest, I will probably always believe that I know whats best for him! Though there will come a day, there will be things that I can't see because I will no longer dwell with him and because of those two factors and many more-then well...I guess the fact that you are to leave and cleave that means my ideas and opinions are just that MINE! It is his responsibility to know what is best and that can only be done if he is listening to God and well I am sure there will be times that he doesn't listen to God and unfortunately it may hurt but I just have to sit back and let him stand before God.

Humbled. Humbling.

Pretty sure what will be the hardest on this Mama's heart is slowly not knowing my boy as well as I do now. There will come a point where my daughter in law will know him better than I do...see right now I think I know my boy better than anyone else and in most areas I do. But, as they grow in marriage I know she will also learn him in a way that I never have and as marriage changes him she will see daily the man that he is and is becoming-I won't be at the sidelines getting those daily glimpses. I'm going to miss that and I will miss him. I can only hope that she won't mind doing the occasional favor for me and giving him a peck on the cheek and a long squeeze!

I already love her for loving my little boy.

I am undeserving.

Humbling. Humbled.