Monday, February 7, 2011

The Big Picture

This picture was taken, last year the 2nd week of February....

In this picture, I had just turned 28 the week prior and by this time we had been trying for a year and a half to have a baby. There is a smile on my face, we just had come to an end of a great missions conference and I was happy; but there was a part of me that was very sad. I was at the bottom of my barrel, I cried every time I learned someone was pregnant. I wanted to be happy for them, I really did and i would smile and congratulate them whenever I would learn of their news. However, deep in my heart I just wanted to turn away from them and go somewhere private for a good cry. The week before this picture, I told God that I was done hoping and trying-He had to rescue me because I could no longer do it...
But, now as I look at that picture there is an overwhelming sense of gratefulness to my God-that He sees the big picture. God sees the when, the how....the things that are already in the works and He knows my future. And, oh what a difference a year makes!
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Yep, you know the story-I now carry a baby boy in my arms! At the time of the 1st picture the Lord had already put Klayton in my tummy and in that picture I was probably only 2 weeks along in my pregnancy and I had no clue at the time. Now when I look back I can see that I had pregnancy symptoms-I just had no clue at the time what they were! Sometimes when were in the middle of the battle, whether it be infertility, death, cancer, job loss or whatever its hard to relinquish our desires and just give it all over to God-its hard to sacrifice our pain for praise. I look back and its so easy for me to now say, I'm thankful for what God brought me through. I just pray that next time, I learn to give up my ideas and plans a lot sooner than I did with desires for a baby!

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